Being alone is not the same as being lonely. Actually, if you have mastered the art of being alone, you would not feel lonely just because you are alone. Alone, meaning not in the presence of another and not necessarily on one’s own, because I do not believe that we are ever truly on our own. If we seek companionship, we can find it in our parents, siblings, other family members, and friends. If we do not have anyone in the mentioned roles, we can find companionship by joining activities or groups with people that share our interests. Most importantly, we can find it in the belief of the presence of a higher power, but I digress.
Mastering the art of being alone is about being comfortable and happy with oneself. It involves being able to sit with one’s own thoughts and emotions, and not allowing our fears take a hold of us and cripple us, which brings me to why being comfortable with being alone is a relationship topic. When we are not comfortable with being alone, fear and dependency can lead us to make bad decisions for ourselves and our relationships. That lonely fear that creeps up into our minds and bodies can cause us to stare at the phone waiting for someone to call that we already know is not likely to call. It can cause us to pick of the phone and call a person that we know we shouldn’t speak to or agree to see and spend time with a person that we know we shouldn’t see. It drives us to allow people in our presence that have no business being there. When we allow undeserving people to be in our space and take up our energy and time, we are allowing them to prevent us from having the freedom to connect with the kind of people that we truly wish to connect with. Moreover, we never learn to find peace and happiness within ourselves.
When we have not learned to appreciate being alone, when in relationships, we can smother our significant others, possibly by having unhealthy expectations about them keeping us company and keeping us entertained, so that we never have to sit with ourselves, our thoughts and emotions. Mastering the art of being alone is not about avoiding interaction and connection with others. Rather, it is about feeling so at peace with being with ourselves that we seek companionship for the right reasons with people that bring positivity to our lives and help make us become better. It’s about not putting ourselves in a position to choose partners that make us feel lonely even when in our presence.
I would love to read your thoughts on the topic, and especially what you have done to master the art of being alone.
Jasmine Melody – @PrettyCoolGeek